Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
