Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
