So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
