We won't sleep together?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
