Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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