just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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