then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
