WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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