I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
