we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
