I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
