NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
