i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
