There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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