I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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