it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
