Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You made out with two different species that night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
