I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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