I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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