Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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