Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
