M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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