he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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