So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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