4 words: hood of his car
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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