no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
