I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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