And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
