I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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