Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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