Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
