What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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