your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
