got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
