Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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