There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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