Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
