I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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