They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
