More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Randomize
