Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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