If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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