I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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