I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize
