I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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