I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
