sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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