They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He kissed a someone with a penis
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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