last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
