Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
