I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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