I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
