If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
