Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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