I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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