so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
is wine microwaveable?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
