would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
