At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
