Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
