who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
