Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
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I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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