The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
