I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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