you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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