he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
