R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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