All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
