I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
