I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
