Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
