Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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