The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
