just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize